I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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