mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
