bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
