is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
