did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
