just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
