i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
