I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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