I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
