VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
