He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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