I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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