Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
