I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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