All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
