My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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