Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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