I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
