She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
