How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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