I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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