he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
