Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
