at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
