Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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