note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
