Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life is pants optional.
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