im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
