So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
