where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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