I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
