im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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