Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
