I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
