There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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