Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
