tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
