I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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