Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
