what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
