She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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