Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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