so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
