also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
