just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
