now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
