Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
