My cat gives me a boner
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
