she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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