I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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