oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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