I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
