so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
