my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
