Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
